Daughter education - what is important to remember
How to raise a girl? The question is really important and not simple, because the foundation of the personality is laid in childhood, and growing up, we spend most of our lives fighting with children's complexes, fears and experiences.
In modern society, where women have become absolutely free and independent, I can earn money myself, feed myself and children, it is reasonable to ask: in what direction to raise a girl - for a future career or for a family? And can these two goals be combined?
One goal - to raise a happy daughter!But how to achieve this, we will tell a little lower.
Recently I talked with one mom, who has four children. Two older sons and two younger daughters. Mom complained about her daughters. What here with the sons did not know the problems, and these girls .... I asked what the difficulty was, the answer surprised me a little, although I was not surprised at all.
“Here is the eldest 12 years old. She is a typical blonde. She doesn't need anything at all. Only nonsense - dances, songs, drawing. As if you earn it in life.She does not want to study. She doesn't want to go to school. Today I got up and said that I will not go anywhere, because I did not learn anything. And she sees a truancy better than a deuce! Then she does not go to school, because today is ugly. Then she has nothing to wear. That mood is not. She does not want to go to college. It's good to cook soups. How she will live - I can not imagine. So tired of chasing her! ”
I did not even ask about the younger one. And thought. I thought about it, because it was not the first time I heard about such problems with girls. And because what I heard is not a problem. I would be glad that a woman is growing, that her values are right inside, benchmarks and preferences. Although - that's what I think now.
When I was in school and institute, I laughed with the boys over blondes who can not do anything themselves, they do not understand anything. And it used to be very insulting when those same boys then gave flowers to blondes and took them to the movies, and I, all such clever, stayed at home without flowers. Once it seemed to me that I should be able to do everything and do it myself, so that if anything, then I would not be lost. Be able to provide for yourself. Be able to re-paste the wallpaper. And even finish such a non-university university.
I remember myself as such from childhood - a special love for men's games, classes. I’m Robin Hood, midshipman, Malchish-Kibalchish. Never in games I was a princess, I thought Cinderella was strange, all other princesses seemed boring. But the knights! Pirates!
My friends, of course, were boys. And it determined the classes - Cossacks-robbers, war, battles. I spent most of my life as a boy. This has a special effect on my life, my health, my relationship. And while I raise my boys, I often wonder - how to raise girls? I found a lot of answers - in the scriptures, in the lectures of the Masters, in communication with those who are good at raising girls. I will try to streamline these postulates.
In fact, collecting all this, I had a feeling that I would like such a childhood. And now I am re-living many of these points, re-cultivating a girl in me. This seems to me an excellent criterion for the list to be good and practical.
Raising a girl is a huge responsibility.
To begin with, it is easier to bring up boys. For many reasons.Boys are born “empty”, and they need to be taught a lot, much to invest in them (if we talk specifically about values and relationships). It's not so scary to make a mistake somewhere, if the boy has not grown up yet, you can still grow a lot in him. It is difficult - if there is no man nearby. And if there is a man, and he is good, then this is enough.
Girls are different. We are born already full. With the fullest possible values and principles, service and care and love are already laid in us. Again, I remember the story of mom from the beginning of this chapter, and again I am convinced of this. Therefore, the task of parents here to a greater extent - not to break. Do no harm. Do not burn all the good things in it. Agree, the responsibility is huge. And the cost of the error is higher. If you break what you did not create - how to fix?
Girls are more sensitive, more sensitive, touchy. Therefore, any disruption of emotions, any increase in voice, punishment can break her psyche. And make her either a real "robocop" or a constantly offended child.
The girl is a princess.
This has already been said millions of times, but the root of the word “girl” - “deva” - means divine. This is about the completeness with which the girl already comes to this world, and about the particular test for the family by her arrival.
And if you translate it to a level more understandable to us, each girl is a princess.Princesses are different. There are very soft and hardworking, there are very creative and easy-going, there are also fighting princesses, but even they are princesses.
To see the divine spark in her girl, even if she is far from the classical understanding of the girl - she does not sit still, she fights with the boys, does not like to cook. You just came across a princess from a warrior family. So you both put in on fate. But even with such a character she is a princess. Maybe she will not wear beautiful dresses and style her hair. Maybe she will be indifferent to the crowns and ornaments. But you should still treat her like a princess. With respect, respect and admiration.
Confidence in its beauty. Dress up, indulge.
99 percent of women consider themselves not very beautiful. Even those whom everyone else finds beautiful. Because in childhood, we heard many epithets about our crooked or bony legs, long or hunchbacked nose, thin or too plump lips and other parts of the body.
The biggest contribution to this is made by parents, or rather mothers. They are, of course, out of love. And it turns out not very. Mom is trying to make her daughter beautiful in her understanding of beauty, but who said,that her understanding is correct? And some mothers and even unconsciously compete with their daughter, so they are trying in every possible way to explain to her that she is not very good.
Therefore, if you can prevent such assessments of appearance in the negative direction with respect to your daughter, it will be a victory. And if you still constantly tell her how beautiful she is, what pretty eyes she has, her hair and everything else, then your girl's self-esteem will be much better.
I foresee perturbations that she will become arrogant and proud, and that it can be praised. Do you really think this is possible? Or are we thus convincing ourselves that we have been praised enough to grow up as normal people?
Dress up your princesses, pamper them. Let them play their party of princess in childhood in order to have a good foundation for further development.
Proper learning - what's useful
It seems to me that I talk about it all the time. But it is worth saying again. Teach the girl what will be useful to her in life. Do not make her school cram into the top five, especially what she does not like. Rejoice equally and threes in chemistry, and the fives in labor.Because no chemical formula and no physical law in life is useful to it. And self-esteem can kill easily, like nerve cells. Or ask the wrong vector of development to please you.
And teach what no school teaches. How to be a woman, how to build relationships, how to cook the same soup and bake pies, how to iron shirts, how to style your hair. This is something that is absolutely useful in her life. What she exactly needs and is important. But where is this taught?
Keep it clean
Again - if a girl is born already full, filled with all the best, our task is to keep it all. Keep it clean - both physical and moral. For a girl, not only premarital relationships are terrible. There are other unhappy things - alcohol, smoking, drugs, slang speech. And besides, excessive attachment to money, gadgets, fashion, fast food, TV, consumption. There are many temptations in this world, and some seem not so scary. Just ask yourself the question - does it benefit my daughter? And whether its purity is lost in this - physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual.
The most difficult thing in this place is that you have to start talking about this as soon as possible. Because when the time comes, she will not be ready to listen to you. If from her childhood she will know that a man should have one, that the bed is only after marriage, if this is the norm in her eyes at a child's age, then she is more likely to become a teenager if she chooses cleanliness.
Values are instilled from the cradle, especially girls. Because they already have it all laid inside, it will be close to what you tell. She will like a fairy tale, where the princess has only one prince for life, and they live is not always easy, but together. She will love the tale of how an evil sorcerer wanted to deceive and steal the princess, stealing her kiss, and the princess refused and escaped. And so on. Tell the girl always how important purity is. By his example, an example of heroes of cartoons, fairy tales, books.
Respect her father
Although it would be worth putting this item first, I decided to put it in the middle so that I would not be eaten. Just kidding, but in every joke only a joke. Indeed, every time I say that the father of children must be respected, I come across the wild resistance of women.Especially those who are already divorced. Arguments are different, but usually he is so-and-so and there is nothing to respect.
Just think that you are broadcasting your daughter. Without even saying a word, only with a smirk you can signal to her that men are insignificant. And she will remember it for life.
If you once chose this man as the father of your daughter, take responsibility for this. Remember only the good that was between you, and tell your daughter about it. As often as possible. Encourage their communication, because for a girl dad is the first novel. If he gives her a sense of being needed and loved, it will be easier for her to live. If she feels his protection and support, it will be easier for her to build relationships with men.
And if he himself does not do anything special, do you. Tell her about how dad took care of her when she was a baby. How he bought her the first dress or the first shoes. As everyone boasted of her photographs. As he once protected in kindergarten. Collect such valuable trifles and tell, tell. Do not be the owner, do not share the child, do not measure who has done more and who less.You have a goal - to help her become happy, but not to settle accounts.
If dad is near and ready to give his daughter attention, help him. Offer him to give her flowers on holidays like a real princess. Let them sometimes have cinema or theater outings together. Delegate him completely protection of his daughter - in any circumstances. Education, training - all this is your task, and you need to spend more time with your daughter. And why not tell her a lot of good things about her father at that time? And it is useful for you to train, and she is like a balm for the soul.
And the best thing you can do with this is to be happy with her dad. To her dad loved you, admired you, showed attention. The girl loves her father very much, and therefore, she is striving to become the one he loves most. If the husband loves you more than anyone, she will want to be like you.
Do not criticize, give feedback only when it is very necessary and very soft
Women are very vulnerable. From early childhood. Any careless word hurts. We often seek girls to "temper" and prepare for a difficult life. Therefore, it is better that we begin to criticize them, correct them so that they are used to. But what are we trying to achieve with this?
Conducted a study. If a man behind the woman’s back started laughing at someone, 90 out of 100 women took it personally and turned around to check. That is, we are so sensitive to criticism, so tense that we perceive any words behind our backs as being spoken to us.
Do not criticize girls. You are welcome. Remember how your hands fell when you tried, the floor of the house was washed, and your mother immediately pointed to the dirty corners. Remember how you don’t want to do anything after you poke your nose into greasy dishes, a mistake in a notebook, a curved seam, a shadow that was incorrectly applied.
In most cases, it is generally better to remain silent. The girl will surely see the curvature of her stitches herself. And if she pokes on it, she can stop sewing at all. I had a smart school teacher. Probably why I am so afraid to sew. And even with a great desire and a beautiful car at home, I can not start. Because for any mistake we were beaten on the hands, saying “foul pens!”. And as a punishment, they somehow made the whole class eat white sauce. Without anything. Just because we have not guessed to bring a side dish for this sauce.
Where feedback is needed and important, try to do it very gently and delicately. Not directly. It may be worth just a hint, and she will understand everything. Experiment to feel this line.
A lot of creativity does not happen
Women's energy is closely related to creativity. If a girl doesn’t do anything like this, sooner or later she will be overwhelmed with apathy and depression. Creativity is different, and every girl chooses something for herself. In this moment. After some time, her tastes may change - and this is normal.
If she fell out of love with music, do not stand over her with a whip. Let her take a break from the music - and maybe she will return to this hobby again. Let her try different things - dancing, singing, painting, embroidering, knitting. Let her choose what is close to her. Allow her to start a new one, let her leave the old.
For a girl, the main thing is to keep the creative passion in him. And do not get a diploma of music and art school, the level of gymnastics and win the dance. Let her engage in creativity, not for the sake of result, but enjoying the process. Do not expect from these hobbies utility, completeness, success and diplomas.And see how her eyes glitter with joy.
And as the girls grow, do not put a taboo on creativity. After all, the fact that we easily allow children at the age of five to ten years old at the age of fifteen is considered to be an “empty exercise” and a “burning of time”. Creativity for her will not necessarily become a profession. This will be her way of living different situations, relieving stress, learning about the world and herself, opening her heart. And not only this.
Be sure to protect. From hooligans and unkind people. From those who undermine her faith in themselves. From attacks in the school - do not expect that she will figure it out. So she only closes in herself or learns to fight and survive. Do you need it? From the harmful influence of incomprehensible people, it would be nice to know with whom your daughter communicates, who she listens to. From excessive temptations of this world. From night walks alone. From the dirt that is enough in the world. From excessive load on her psyche. From beatings and punishments, screams and insults. From the huge expectations - yours, by the way. From excessive work around the house - she still all her life to wash, iron and cook. From undue responsibility, especially for younger brothers and sisters.From your negative emotions with which you can easily break it. From your quarrels with your husband and father of your daughter. From your difficulties at work. From your unfulfilled dreams that you so want to realize at the expense of her.
If a girl grows up in such an atmosphere of love and care as in a greenhouse, it will be easier for her to build relationships in the future. She will be able to preserve her purity, vulnerability, naivety, modesty. Remember that before women were protected all their lives - first father, then husband, then son. It was scary and stupid if a woman was suddenly left alone with everything that happens around her. And the first stage - the stage of child protection - is one of the most important. It is basic, fundamental.
Praise just not for deeds
Returning to the topic of praise. As I said, the girl can and should be praised. As often as possible. But it is very important to understand the difference - how to praise. We encourage boys to act, so we praise only for our deeds. That is, not "you are so strong", but "you helped dad so well with these heavy bags." Or not “you are so caring,” but “you made such a cool bird feeder!”. In this way, the boy tunes into a life full of important things.
If we do the same thing with a girl (and we usually do this), then the girl will start living in a model “you just can't love me like that.” And she will begin to deserve love in many ways. It is convenient for parents - she will do a lot of things both at home and at school. But for the girls themselves, this is worse than you can imagine. She can never be satisfied with what's done. It will be difficult for her to take love and attention. She will sincerely believe that she should sleep with everyone who paid her bill in a cafe. And so on.
The girl needs to be watered just like that. Talk to her about her qualities. Tell her that she is clever, beautiful, kind, affectionate, talented. Just. Not tied to results, activities, actions. So that it focuses not on actions, not on results, but on qualities and processes.
And often hug her, envelop with tenderness, touches with love!
Be a good example for her
And this item is as always the most important. It doesn't matter what you say, it is important that you do. If you argue about respect for men, and you call your husband by last name, she will learn just that - to treat men downwards. If you are talking about creativity, and you are plowing at an unloved work, do not look after yourself and do not have a hobby - it will absorb your model of attitude to life.If you smoke, then what kind of purity for the daughter can talk. And so on.
Children hear what we say, but they follow what they see. This is a great reason to start changing yourself to become the woman you would like to see your daughter in twenty to thirty years.
And the most important thing here is to be happy. So that she understands why she needs all this. Why should she keep her purity, why develop creativity, why build relationships. If she sees an example of a happy mother, this question does not arise. And if this happy mother is also adored by the best father in the world, then the girl has no other options. Her heart will strive along the path you have lighted - and this is the best form of protection for the girl.
I have confidence that all this is important for each baby. The little ones you hold by your hand are laid on pens to sleep or the one with which you are now talking about life. And this is equally important for the baby inside you. She, most likely, something did not get. And this means that you can adopt it - and share it and add it. Buy her Cinderella shoes, give her a dance, praise a lot, create anew for her a good image of her father ...
Healing your inner girl will be an excellent base for treating your daughter differently. Differently. With more attention, with more love. But children, by and large, do not need anything else.
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