– This is how you stop your partner from cheating | Esther Perel | SVT/NRK/Skavlan
How to Resist Cheating on Your Significant Other
You may find it difficult to stay faithful to your significant other, even if you love and care for them deeply. Though you may feel cheating in a relationship is wrong, you may struggle to be monogamous to your partner. You can stay faithful to your significant other by avoiding temptation and by resisting the urge to cheat in the moment. You should also focus on making your relationship that much stronger and communicate with your significant other if you are struggling with cheating and keep your communication healthy and open.
Acknowledge your attraction to someone else.Though avoidance is an important part of staying faithful, you should also be willing to acknowledge your attraction to someone else and then let it go. You may sit down and admit to yourself that you have an attraction to someone else besides your partner. Then, you should work consciously to move past it and get over it.
- It may be difficult for you to acknowledge that you are attracted to someone else besides your partner. But denying your attraction to yourself can make the situation worse. Instead, try to be honest with yourself about how you feel and then work on resisting your feelings.
Keep your distance.One of the most effective ways to resist cheating on your partner is to put some distance between yourself and individuals you find attractive, whether it is at work, at school, or among your group of extended friends. Do not put yourself in situations where you may be alone with a person you find attractive or have a lot of one on one time. This can help you avoid any opportunities to cheat.
- You may try to include your partner in situations with the person you find attractive so you are not alone together. This could include being with your partner in large get togethers where you know the person you find attractive is going to be, or opting out of group hang outs for a date with your partner if you know the person you find attractive is going to be there.
Remember the long-term consequences of cheating.You should pause and think about the long term consequences of acting on your attraction to someone else. Though it may feel satisfying in the moment, you will be putting your serious relationship with your partner in jeopardy. Consider all the years or months you and your significant other have devoted to each other. Then, ask yourself if it is worth putting all of that at risk for a fling with someone else.
- If you have children, you may also think about how acting on your attraction to someone else will put them at risk. It could lead to a strain in your relationship with your children and chaos in your household.
Confide in a friend.If you are still struggling with your attraction to someone else, you may reach out to a friend or someone you trust and have a talk with them. Choose someone who you think will relate to your predicament and help you work through your thoughts. They may be able to talk you down and help you put your feelings into perspective.
- You may set up weekly meetings with the friend to talk about your feelings and your resistance to cheating. You may both agree to check in with each other to ensure you are maintaining your relationship with your partner.
Staying Faithful to Your Partner
Say positive things about your partner around others.If you work with someone you find attractive, you may not be able to simply avoid them. You can stay faithful to your partner by mentioning your partner around the person you are attracted to and saying positive things about them. Let everyone around you, including the person you find attractive, know how much your partner means to you and how well your relationship is going.
- This is especially important if you have to work closely with the person you find attractive. Letting the person know you are in a committed partnership may encourage them to keep their distance from you and maintain a strictly professional relationship with you.
Dress down.You can also stay faithful to your partner by dressing down so you do not appear as attractive to others around you. You may avoid wearing clothing that exposes too much of your body or that shows too much skin. You may also try not to look too enticing around the person you find attractive so they do not try to flirt with you.
- Dressing down may not always be an option if you work in a professional setting with the person you are attracted to. You may be required to dress well for work and you do not want to jeopardize your job to avoid making yourself attractive to others.
Be friendly, not flirty.You should also try to maintain boundaries around individuals you find attractive and work on being friendly but not flirty with them. Though you want to have a healthy, platonic relationship with others, you should know when you have crossed the line from friend to flirty. Try to toe the line and stay in the friend zone so you do not put your relationships with your significant other in jeopardy.
- You can avoid being flirty by appearing engaged, but not too engaged, in what the person you find attractive has to say. Do not touch the person inappropriately or maintain eye contact with them for too long. Try to keep your conversations friendly but short and to the point so you do not come across as flirty.
Focusing on Your Relationship
Maintain trust in your relationship.Put your focus into your relationship and make it as fulfilling as you can for both you and your partner. One way to do this is to maintain trust in your relationship. You and your partner should not try to hide information from each other or keep secrets. Try to be trusting of your partner and hope that they will do the same for you.
Cultivate a fulfilling sex life.You should also consider if you and your partner have a sex life that is fulfilling for you both. A fulfilling sex life will mean different things to different couples. You may need to discuss your sex life with your partner and work together to ensure you are both getting your needs met.
- Maybe you and your partner have fallen into a routine in the bedroom and you are starting to feel bored or under stimulated. Communicate with your significant other and mention different sexual positions you can try.
- You may also consider using sex toys in the bedroom or roleplaying. Propose different sexual activities to your partner and discuss ways you can keep your sex life interesting.
Spend quality time together.You and your significant other should also try to maintain a healthy relationship by spending quality time together on a regular basis. You should make an effort to go out on dates, just the two of you, once a week. You may also try to prepare meals together and do fun activities on the weekends. Spending quality time together can make your relationship feel more fulfilling and important for you both.
- You may try to plan a surprise date for your partner to show them how committed you are to the relationship. Or you may suggest that you both plan a trip, just the two of you, so you can create lasting memories together.
Confirm your relationship goals.You should check in with your partner and discuss your relationship goals, or what you both hope to get out of your relationship. You and your partner may both agree to be monogamous and plan for the future together, such as buying a house or having children. Or you and your partner may both not want children in the future and want to focus on travelling together instead. Having the same goals and expectations will ensure that you both understand each other and help to avoid conflicts in the future.
Communicating With Your Significant Other
Discuss any issues before they become arguments.You can resist the temptation to cheat by making sure you and your partner have good communication. This means acknowledging and discussing any issues before they get out of hand. Be honest with your partner and let them know how you are feeling. Only then can you both address the issue and come up with a solution that satisfies you both.
- For example, you may feel your partner works too late and this gives you too much time to spend with a person you are attracted to. You may then tell your partner, “I feel like you are working late too often. Is it possible for you to come home earlier in the day so we can spend more time together?”
Use active listening.Active listening can help to ensure both you and your partner are communicating well. Be an active listener by maintaining eye contact with your partner when you are talking and by displaying open body language, where you turn your body toward your partner and keep your body relaxed.
- You should also avoid interrupting your partner and acknowledge what your partner has said after they are done speaking before you speak. You may say, “What I am hearing you say is…” or “I think you meant..”. Your partner should then agree that you have heard them correctly before you respond to them.
Keep communication open and active.You and your partner should work hard to maintain communication that is open and honest, especially if you are starting to feel tempted to be unfaithful. Rather than isolate yourself or shut down, be willing to open up to your partner. Tell them how you are feeling and be honest about your emotions.
- You may also consider getting professional help, such as a therapist or a counselor, to work through your communication issues together. You and your significant other may go to a therapist and support each other as you tackle your feelings for others and your struggle with monogamy.
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