Leave your man alone, he will not change!

When relationships become serious, you begin to want to make your beloved a little better: step by step to fit his whole life under his ideas of the ideal. A new hairstyle, a different style of dressing, knowledge of English and avoiding alcohol will undoubtedly benefit him. Anyway, in your opinion. Why is it really in your best interest to stop changing your lover for the better?

I have a friend Vanya. He is one of those guys that is very easy to fall in love with: funny and cute dolt. How many I remember him (no less than eight years), he never sought to earn. He lived for his own pleasure: for a small reward, five days a week, he worked as a sysadmin in some company, and every weekend he went with numerous friends to trip to the bars.

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Everything changed when she appeared. Oksana entered his life swiftly, sweeping away everything in his path that he loved so much. First of all, in an unequal struggle for his personal happiness, marches to the bar were killed.Already in the second month of the relationship, Vanya replaced this habit with weekly visits to Oksana's parents / friends / acquaintances.

Then - more: life in a removable odnushka Oksana did not suit, but for his modest salary, Vanya could not offer anything better. The work has changed, the style of clothes has changed, the taste preferences have changed. Favorite Vanini dumplings were once and for all excluded from his menu: Oksana was a supporter of proper nutrition and did not tolerate semi-finished products in the house.

As for me, his life rapidly rolled into hell, but for some reason, Vanya was not scared

Then there was a wedding, I will not keep the intrigue, there was a divorce. I saw how Vanya was moving from a three-room apartment back to a little one, saw how, instead of delicious meals, he began to have a bite at fast food, I saw him start smoking again. Most importantly, for the first time in a long time, I saw fire in his eyes. As for me, his life promptly rolled into hell, but for some reason, this did not frighten Vanya.

Then, after a sincere conversation with a newfound friend, I once and for all promised myself not to repeat the mistakes of his ex-spouse on personal experience.

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Everything changed when he appeared.I met the perfect man, I thought. Romantic, loving, caring, he was the limit of my dreams. We began to meet and began to live together unnoticed by me. At first I was in seventh heaven, though very soon the veil began to fall from my eyes. It turned out that upon closer examination from the ideal, my man is still far away. Well, how - a couple of minor strokes, and everything will be as it should.

I made him learn English. If teachers in schools treated their profession with my zeal, the children would know a foreign language as their own class in the second. I made him ask for a promotion at work. Still, with the knowledge of English, his income was simply obliged to double. I made him quit when I realized that it would be better for our relationship.

Better for our relationship. Better for us. He did not want, and I crushed. He wanted to do what was best for him, even if it seemed doubtful to me. I wanted him to do what was best for us. I myself did not notice how very soon (in two years) with such an approach, we didn’t become completely altogether.

He wanted happiness the way he sees him: without a huge salary and rest in the Maldives. And he finally decided to get it, for which over time it is quite difficult for me to judge him.

Photo: Getty Images

The concept of “better for us” is in itself very dubious. It is important to understand that no matter how close you are to your boyfriend, you are different people. You may have different views on life and different ideas about the ideal. In the endless struggle for joint happiness, you only lose yourself and each other.

Do not go to extremes and despair: to live with a man whose ideas about life go against yours, not trying to change them, is also not a good idea. A woman should not force a man, but can inspire. If you find a boyfriend with whom you initially will have common goals and similar values, living together will naturally be happy.



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