Useful loneliness, or why it is worth more often to be left alone
Now imagine that all these “gifts” are communication, information that we constantly receive from the outside world, in particular from other people.
In the XXI century, people are overloaded with information. TV, computer, music, advertising, rushing from everywhere, emotional conversations of passengers in transport, shouts of parents, stopping the naughty children, endless meetings, deadlines - all this puts pressure on our nervous system. And not everyone can quickly and efficiently filter stimuli, and therefore find themselves in the mire of informational garbage and extraneous emotions.
What hurts it?
Chronic stress, fatigue, blood pressure rises, heart problems arise from an excess of information. It is as if to be in the midst of strange military operations: no one applies physical force to you, and the same feelings arise between emotions and feelings - fear and the desire to hide.
What can be done?
Everything is very simple. Some time to be alone and not be afraid of it. British journalist Oliver Burkeman believes: "Loneliness, if it is present in moderate doses in our life, is very useful." And German psychologist Mike Luman adds: “Loneliness is a good thing, provided that we then do what we have to do, we restore communication with other people.”
Studies show that only being in temporary loneliness (in psychology it is also called “active”), a person receives the necessary psychological discharge, which can be compared with a healthy sleep.
What is the benefit of active loneliness?
- You can realize yourself and your capabilities. We constantly want to compare ourselves with someone, look for an assessment from the outside. But everything is simple: there is no point in comparing, because we are unique and no one will understand us better than ourselves. Alone, you can save the lion’s share of energy and really abandon the imposed principles, feel your own convictions and begin, finally, to meet them. Also alone, issues are well resolved because we listen to our "I"weighing all the pros and cons, and we are going to resolve issues based on our own experience, and this is much more effective than the opinion of outsiders.
- Alone, you can be yourself. You can be boring, harmful, irritable, lazy, you can dress as you want, and there is everything you want. And no one will tell you anything.
- Alone, you can see your mistakes. Working in a team, discovering the mistakes of a particular person is quite difficult, because the activity in the group is diluting personal responsibility. If your project is not moving, try to work alone, and then you will see your shortcomings, if they, of course, are. Maybe you do not have enough information or you do not have enough knowledge or skills in any area. Or you, on the contrary, will understand that you are doing everything correctly.
- Independence develops in solitude. Left alone with ourselves, we can dream and set ourselves goals according to this. And the goals allow us to develop independently of others.
- Loneliness fights with complexes. Why are many people afraid of loneliness, even if temporary? Because it exposes conflicts with itself, aggravates questions that we have not solved, leaves us alone with complexes we have not worked on.All this temporarily disappears from our sight when we actively interact with society.
How to help yourself with loneliness?
- To protect yourself from unnecessary information, you can use the "Stop and think."
Choose one day per week (or at least half a day) that you can dedicate to yourself. When you’re alone with yourself, think about what you like, do what you want. Read what they have long wanted to read, watch a movie that could not be seen at all, take a walk in the park. Meet yourself, be surprised yourself. Do it. Remember that many masterpieces were created in solitude. And maybe you will find a non-standard way out of the problem.
- Create a personal program to combat the negative:
- alone with yourself make a list of things that provoked your stress;
- then list the feelings that accompanied you during each incident (for example, anger, rage, confusion, panic);
- write how these feelings went, what did you do to calm down, to distract yourself, to raise your spirits? Or maybe you quickly solved the problem and the negative feelings subsided by themselves? Write how you did it?
- expand the list of your own finds with additional ways, how to calm yourself, get out of stress (the ways should really work!);
- Write a list of achievements and circumstances for which you are grateful.
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